


Soliloquy

by lacygrey



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-17
Updated: 2010-05-17
Packaged: 2017-10-30 02:01:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/326531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lacygrey/pseuds/lacygrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sai's thoughts after he is banished from the imperial city.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soliloquy

Northwards, I wander alone, without servant or destination, where the moonlight on the lake shines like a path all the way to the moon itself.

My love for Go was born in the city of the moon, born through sharing.

To play for personal gain is to turn from that beauty, that synergy, where the meeting of white and black brings wisdom that we take to our next game and our next, growing through each stone placed, whether it leads us toward victory or defeat. And with each move, like each word in a tale told by thousands, we mark our passage in the memories of our opponents, in their Go and the Go of their future opponents. This is a path the cheater cannot know; a path paved with love. This is the path I am leaving.

Mother, you who gave me this life and my love of Go, do not cry for me. I have had the honor and privilege of our name, the chance to be born in a house where I knew an easy existence, and to have lived this love for a simple game. I will not let my dishonor harm you or those who have nurtured me: I would rather wipe my name from the scrolls of history. Were I not of the Fujiwara, my shame could not hurt you; were I simply Sai, not Sai of the Fujiwara, but simply Sai of Go. And yet, were I born among the common people, I could have known neither my love nor such desolation and dishonor. Should I call this luck to have known a noble birth, to have had this chance? Or should I long for ignorance: to have never known, nor loved, nor lost.

From the left palace, shallow steps lead beyond the domain to the waters reflecting the moon and the path there that beckons. But who has taken my place at the palace? Someone who never saw the way toward the Hand of God lit up by the joy of a students discovery and who, by cheating, cannot truly learn or grow himself. He will tutor in my place, but will he teach his self-centered ways? So will the children of Go all one day be selfish? For my love lies in the hands of someone who never understood, and who could not reach the Hand of God any more than I, in following this shining path, could reach the moon.

**Author's Note:**

> Author Notes: Thanks to onkoona for her advice and encouragement.
> 
> Disclaimer: Hikaru no go is the property of Yumi Hotta and Takeshi Obata. This is a nonprofitmaking fanfiction


End file.
